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in suspense + incomplete

January 29, 2019


In suspense and incomplete. 


I don't like that very much. 


I am very much an "in control" and "very complete" type of person. I like my t's crossed, my i's dotted, my planner scheduled, my future settled. I like being prepared, and I like knowing exactly what I'm getting into. 


But being in suspense? And incomplete? And being okay with that? Oof- that's a tough one.


Right now, everything about my life is up in the air. Where I'm going to college, how I'm going to pay for it, what career I'm going into...up to what activity I'm doing next week, everything seems to be in the sky, hiding behind the clouds that I'm begging to move. 


"Let me see it God, I want to know!" I beg, with open hands that shake a little too much with a burning desire to clench. 


Oh- I forgot to mention that. I also like clenched fists. I like holding onto things and knowing what they are. 


Yet God gently takes my hand, places my desires for control, perfection, and knowledge softly on the foot of His cross, and shows me how to open my hands. I look over at His hands...they are wounded. He has scars from the times when He loved hard. I am afraid of those scars; I am afraid of not knowing. Yet I follow Him, I open my hands and wait.


In suspense and incomplete. 


Have you ever had the desire to fast forward ten years in your life? To skip all the sucky parts and get to the good parts? I distinctly remember calling one of my friends sometime junior year and lamenting "Oh Abby, can I just skip to the part where I'm happily married and have a beautiful family?" 


Abby laughed gently and said, "Oh love, there is so much for you here!" 


Sometimes it's hard to believe that. What good can come out of something that isn't finished? Why do I feel like parts of my heart are missing? Why God- why can't I know all the answers? 


Perhaps it is because the journey is the answer. Perhaps it is because God is a good Father who takes time on His gifts, and knows exactly when we need them. Perhaps it is because the sweet slowness of God's plan is exactly where we obtain the Promise. 


Incomplete is not a burden. Incomplete is not just a stage of waiting until the "good" starts. Incomplete IS the start. 


So, will you join me in resting in the incomplete? In finding peace in the beautiful timing of God, in welcoming each puzzle piece within His timing? 

There is so much to be found here. 


"Give Our Lord the benefit of believing that His hand is leading you, and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete." 










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